Wendy's Short Chapters

Lifelong companions and commitment

something which i found on a doggie website... which i thought was very apt.. i am sure most of my closer friends would probably be able to appreciate the following as well.

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My dear dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing a paw printin the middle of my plate and food does not mean it becomes your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the objective. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king- sized bed. I am very sorry about his. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm and disrespect.For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If, bysome miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob or stick your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years-- canine attendance is not mandatory.To pacify you, my dear doggie, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non- Dog Owners Who Visit and Always Complain About Our Dogs

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my dogs a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's a dog. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is shorter, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.Remember: Dogs are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,never drive your car, don't hang out with drug- using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

posted by Wendy @ 9:55 PM